Why is it that most of us spend more time dwelling on poor feedback, our mistakes, or someone’s unkind words than we do on the positive?

Well, negative events have a far greater effect on our gray matter than positive ones. Psychologists refer to this as the negativity bias. Leading brain researcher Rick Hanson says the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but like Teflon for positives ones. (read more here.)

Evolutionarily, our negativity bias helped our species survive. Our early ancestors had to make critical decisions several times a day: approach a reward or avoid a risk. Our brains are wired for caution: to zero in on bad news, to downplay good news, and to walk around with a bit of anxiety running through us so that we stay alert.

That anxiety originates in the amygdala, two small, almond-shaped regions on either side of your head that act as the alarm centre of your brain. The amygdala is responsible for the fight-or-flight stress response that causes you to respond to threats, and once it fires up, negative events “go Velcro.” As a result, we tend to over-learn from negative experiences and use them as evidence to cement the stories we tell ourselves that hurt our relationships, limit our ambitions, justify our excuses, and suck the happiness from our lives.

To counterbalance this natural human tendency in yourself, try these strategies:

First, when you receive positive, affirming messages, hold them in awareness for twelve to twenty seconds, to transfer them from short-term to long-term memory.

Then, as you get to know the workings of your inner critic, prioritize positive messaging.

Third, be kinder and gentler with yourself.

And finally, practice the 4 Rs for Shifting Beliefs:

Our thoughts are powerful and they’re not always right. If your inner critic is feeding you too much inaccurate information—about what you deserve, what you’re capable of, or what other people think—there is a simple process that can help you manage that negative voice. It’s called the 4 Rs for shifting belief, and it looks like this:

1. Recognize – Recognize when your thoughts become unproductive. When you hear your inner dialogue shift toward negativity or self-defeating messaging, stop yourself. Notice without judgment what circumstance triggered your inner critic. Simply use your awareness as a learning moment.

2. Remind- Remind yourself of your past wins, current successes, and enduring capability. When negativity takes over, you might overlook the positive stuff going on in your life, as if it has all been covered over with gray paint. But it’s there, and usually in greater abundance than you even know—you just have to look harder to see it.

3. Reframe – Reframe negative messaging into what’s possible. When you allow yourself to be curious, to brainstorm ways around your barriers, you’re more likely to stick with a problem long enough to reach a favorable outcome. A simple way to do this is with “how might I” questions that help you think openly and creatively.

4. Repeat, Repeat, Repeat. Repetition is vital, because initially those attempts at positive self-talk will feel uncomfortable and even phony. But persevere. And, developing a couple of positivity mantras to repeat throughout the day can help.

I share more strategies for each of the 4 Rs in my new book The Success-Energy Equation, so, if you need to improve that negative self talk threatening to sabotage your happiness and success make sure you order your copy today .

Until next time. I’m Michelle Cederberg, reminding you we’ve got one chance to do this life. I say Dare To Live It Big and dare to shift your thoughts and beliefs for greater optimism and positivity.

P.S. this post is an excerpt from my latest book The Success-Energy Equation. Read below to find out how to get your copy and take advantage of more information like this that will decrease stress and drive success.

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Michelle Cederberg, CSP, Health and Productivity Expert, Speaker, Coach & Author
CEP, CPCC, MKin, BA Psyc