“People don’t always need advice. Sometimes all they really need is a hand to hold, and ear to listen, and a heart to understand  them.”

~ Unknown

Sometimes, the best way to help someone, is to help them to help themselves (say that six times fast).

When a friend or family member is struggling, of course we want to help them feel better, and how you offer help can make a big difference as to how that help is received. So, this week I share an insight around exactly what to say to help someone find the bright spot in their day.

Watch the short video below, or read the transcript that follows, and add this strategy to your ‘helper’s toolkit’. Up and away!

Hey, Michelle Cederberg here with my weekly dispatch, this time from a hotel room in Winnipeg. This week I want to talk to you about helping those who are struggling with burnout. Number one, why it can be hard for someone with burnout to ask for help, and number two, how you can offer help in a way that might feel less stressful to those those who are struggling.

I know that when I was in the midst of my burnout, first of all, I didn’t know that I was burnt out. And so those around me didn’t necessarily know I needed help. And I’m not very good at asking for it.

But when it came to the attention of some of my friends and colleagues, either they didn’t ask because they figured I was fine, or they didn’t necessarily know how to ask.

One of the ways that we will often ask people around us who are struggling if they need help will be to say, “What can I do to help you?”

As an individual who was struggling with burnout, anytime I heard, ‘what can I do to help you?’ I felt obliged to have an answer, so it felt stressful.

I don’t know what you can do to help me. I don’t know what I can do to help myself.

And it occurred to me that a better way of asking to be of service is to say to someone who is struggling, “What do you need?” A pretty simple, but impactful shift.

It turns the responsibility, or the empowerment to the individual to come up with something within them that they need. If somebody had said to me, ‘What do you need?’ I still might have said, ‘Well, I don’t really know.’ You can then follow that up with something as simple as, ‘What do you need for yourself right now?’ or, ‘What do you need for yourself today to get back on track in a small way?’

The difference between ‘How can I help you?’ and ‘What do you need?’ puts the onus on the individual (in this case, it was me) to go deep within, and think about the things that I needed for myself. And it might not be that I would need assistance from the individual who was offering help, but that I would realize, ‘Oh, I just need to take it easy today.’ or, ‘I need to sit and have a cup of tea and maybe take a nap, or I need to get some exercise.’

We can then think about the things that we need for ourself separate from the individual who is offering support. We don’t always need people to fix us or help solve our problems, but they do want to be there for us. By asking, ‘What do you need?’ we can be of service by empowering our friends to go within to find the answers.

So that is my thought for today. When you are struggling, and somebody asks you, ‘Hey, how can I help?’ you can reframe the question. ‘Well, I don’t need you to help. But what I do need for myself is…’

And if you are offering help, rather than ask, “Hey, how can I help you?” just do a little reframe and say, “Hey, what do you need for yourself today to feel a little bit better?”

Tiny little shift, big impact. Until next time, I’m Michelle Cederberg, reminding you that it is up to you to Ignite High Performance. Sometimes we just have to take those little steps to help ourselves to the next highest level. You got this.

Resources Galore!

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Single mousepad: https://michellecederberg.com/product/success-energy-equation-mousepad/
5 mousepad value-pack: https://michellecederberg.com/product/success-energy-mousepad-buy-5-and-save/

Don’t forget to check out my new ‘What’s Your Motivation Type?’ QUIZ! Scan the QR code or click the link and answer 5 quick questions to identify your Motivation Type. It’s going to give you daily doses of inspiration based on your category, and you’ll get all sorts of resources along the way.

‘What’s your Motivation Type?’

SPEAKING: Does your workplace or conference need a good dose of re-energizing in the months ahead? Ask me about energizing keynotes, or half and full day Success-Energy Equation sessions (or any of my other topics, which you can download here: MichelleSPEAKS) to help you fire up your drive, recommit to growth, and ignite high performance in all you do. Contact me to chat.